What now?

It's been awhile since I posted and my friends know why. I can come here and unload and not upset my daughter. I believe from the day we are born we are on a predestined journey,thats not to say we don't have free will and don't have choices and we have to be responsible for our actions but the ending result is still the same. This is my therapy space today. Six weeks one of those choices was made for us and now my kids are being held responsible and 2 little kids are being treated as pawns in a chess game. In the last six weeks this is how things changed. The grandkids have gone from being ours and now my husband calls them his. A cell phone that I have only used a handfull of times in the last 2 years has become my constant companion. Everytime my daughter calls my heart plumments to my stomach and I pause after saying hello to judge her current state. Thats lawyers are irritating and I am getting tired of telling them my story. That my son-in-law can't ask the social worker a simple question,why do you need the kids social security cards. That obviously a single mom makes her living as a foster mom . That great grandma's finger prints didn't clear and now they are going to thr FBI. What was she a spy during the war? That when I go to bed all I drean is my grandkids coming home and if I lived in California I would take the blame for what happened. That my mom is about to drive me over the edge. She doesn't deal with stress well and thinks drugs are the answer. I asked my hubby are we ever going to be happy again? And lastly,why can't these idiot people in California see this for what it really is,an accident. And I am blessed to have friends to see me thru,thanks Karen!

I still have faith in humanity!

I work the weekends in the drive-thru of a fast food restaurant in our area. I tell everyone I while I am working there I am taking notes and someday I am going to write a book. This is happened to me once before and it happened again today and it renews my faith in the generosity of people. A woman came thru my line and she paid for her food,then she says I would like to pay for the people behind me. Now bear in mind she did not know these people. So I took her money and when the next car pulled I stuck the food out the window and told them due to the generosity of the car in front of them their meal was paid for. The look on the mans face was priceless. He wanted to know who it was and where she went.By this time she was long gone.This lady anonymously did a good dead and not only was the driver a recipient I was to because I got to give him the news and enjoy their reaction. There are still decent people in this world!

The rest of the story

Mark and I had attended a military conference in Chicago. We were setting in an airport bar when Mark got into a conversation with 2 men setting behind us. They asked what we had been doing in Chicago and we told them we had been to a military conference. Now the military drills into your head not to tell strangers where your soldiers are and most of the time we adheared to this policy but these 2 men did not look like terrorist and I was probably never going to see them again. I told them Steph was stationed in Afghanistan and that she worked around the airport. Well,little did I know that these 2 men were soldiers from Minnasota and they were on their way to Afghanistan to check on the soldiers in their command. They told me if I wrote Steph a note they would see that she got it. I told her we loved her and we could not wait to see her. Weeks went by and Steph never mentioned the letter and I fiqured they must have forgetten. Steph surprised us by coming home on leave early and she mentioned that the very plane she left Afghanstan on held 2 men with a note from her mom. Steph was very suprised to get a personal letter hand delivered

A perfect pair of white shoes

You have those moments in life you never forget and this is one of those. In 1990 I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and even though I took the news fairly well I had my moments of feeling sorry for myself ,at least up to this life changing moment. I had to go to the hospital for yet another test and I wasn't having one of my best days. My hubby pulled up to the door to let me out and we had to wait on the car ahead of us. The woman got out and removed a red wagon from her car,took her daughter out of the car and sat her in the wagon and then removed the little girls legs from the car and placed them in the wagon. I remember those legs has the most perfect pair of white shoes. I stopped feeling sorry for myself right then because even though they didn't always work right my legs were still attached and it reminded there is always some one worse than yourself. That's where my life motto came from: I may lose a few battles but I am winning the war

1958

On Friday the 20th I will be 51 years old. I thought it would be cool to reflect on 1958. A house was $30,000 and average income $4,650. A ford costing $1967.00 ran on gas costing .24 cents a gallon. Aftre filling your tank for less than $3.00 you could go to the grocery and get milk $1.01, bread .19, swiss steak for .75 cents a pound. You could mail a letter for 4 cents or fly to London for $453.00. Have kids, how about a Harvard Education for $1250.00 a year. The number one movie,South Pacific,Eisenhower was President. Visa,Jiff Peanut Butter and Pizza Hut were introduced. And the best thing off all Bob & Janice had a new baby girl

Homecoming

We hadn't seen Steph in 9 months and finally it was time for her to come home. Since her unit was from all over the states she and another soldier flew into the local airport. It did not take a brain surgeon to pick out the other military family. They were the ones with balloons and flags and jumping all over the place. Since we were military families we were allowed to go back to the gate where they would deplane. We were so excited! Finally the plane taxis in and I can see Steph coming down aisle, I am waving my arm off and she is just looking at me, I am thinking this is strange and then I could see all the tears running down her face. I ran up and grabbed her and what happened,her nose hits my forehead and she gets a bloody nose. I could hear everyone grimmace when contact was made but we didn't care and suddenly everyone was hugging us and offering to take pictures and yes,just like the Budweiser commercal people stopped and applauded her all the way to the car. Finally our baby was home!

What I learned during deployment

What I learned
Little did I know when Steph joined the Army it was join the Army and get my mom free. Here is what I learned during her(our) deployment.The Star Spangled banner is more than words on paper or something we sing before a football game.That Freedom is not free is more than a catch phrase.That I have a voice and I took my message to everyone who would listen and that speaking to large crowds no longer intimates me.That no one messes with mom when it comes to her 56 kids.That people are stupid,no she can't come home whenever she feels like it and yes they deploy people with kids.That no one understands you like another mother.That when you cry for no reason your friends understand.Thats you don't sleep,the minute the phone rings or the computer buzzes you are out of bed like a shot.That the American soldier by Toby Keith always brought tears to my eyes.That I would be buying total strangers underwear.That when given a purpose I am completely driven.That is no longer about me but my 56 kids and one dog and what they need.That I can pack a care package so well with the appropiate forms that I could probably work for the post office.That I would drive hundreds of miles to spend the afternoon with a soldiers wife and his family.That total strangers would reach out to me in the airport,but thats another story.And I quess finally I am proud and always have been of my daughter and I am a better American